5 reasons you keep putting up with someone who doesn't deserve you in their life
so, i've been reading this book and it's really helped me to see the value in things coming to an end. whether it be a personal or professional ending, my readings have helped me to see that endings are not necessarily a bad thing; sometimes, they are actually a good thing. here's some of the reasons i've read about that people put up with piss poor people in their lives. i thought these were pretty good point, so i thought it would be beneficial if i expounded on the bullets so that someone else may benefit as well.
5). you think the person is "fixable."
many of us struggle with this compulsive need to try and fix people in our lives. whether it's a boyfriend, girlfriend, family member of friend, we tend to always want to "save" them. more often than not, what ends up happening is that you'll ultimately end up spending majority of your energy and time trying to convert people into who you believe they should be. but that's not your job, though. we have to understand that there is a fine line between trying to fix someone and trying to enlighten them by exposing them to ideas and experiences they otherwise would not have had. focusing so much on trying to fix other people causes you to over invest, which then makes it easier for them not to take personal responsibility for their actions, since you're always doing that for them. at some point, you gotta stop putting others' needs before your own. you'll end up cutting yourself on the shattered pieces of a broken person if you're constantly try to fix them.
4). you're afraid of hurting their feelings.
listen, i understand that it's preferred to not hurt people's feelings. but sometimes, you just can't help it. real talk. i can't tell you how many people i know (myself included) that find themselves in unfavorable situations longer than they should've been all because they were afraid to hurt someone's feelings and/or have a difficult conversation. if you're in a relationship and you feel "some type of way" about your partner's behavior, you need to either let them know or make a change. if your family member offends you each time you come to the family get together, you need to let them know. stop brushing things off as "petty" or something that doesn't make you mad when in reality, it does upset you. i have to remind myself frequently that i am responsible for how i say what i feel. however, i am not responsible for how that made someone else feel. my friends will tell you, if it compromises my peace, i'll cut it. forreal. bottom line is, if you live your life trying not to hurt feelings, you'll end up becoming a victim of all the feelings you've kept bottled in. and 9 times outta 10, ain't none of the people who you tried to spare gonna be around for you when you done had a nervous breakdown from keeping everything in, so get it out. and another thing, we need to stop equating "hurt" to "bad". the two are not the same. having a rotten tooth in your mouth is bad. having that tooth removed may hurt, but it's ultimately a good thing that you had it removed. it was a necessary tactic needed to ensure your mouth was left in a better state than it previously was, ya know? the same thing can be applied to our lives, basically.
3). you fear confrontation.
this is something that's tied to a fear of not wanting to hurt feelings. often times, many of us fall into the trap of putting up with people because we don't want to deal with the "drama". i don't know when and how, but somewhere within the fabrics of black culture, we decided that disagreements and confrontation were bad, negative things. this isn't true, folks. confrontation is actually healthy (when it's done correctly). approach is everything, especially during a confrontation. never be afraid to speak your truth or confront someone when they are acting like a prick. ya shouldn't seek to be nice all the time, nothing nice ever really comes from that (which is the ironic thing about it). wanting to be nice all the time and suppress how you really feel will make you have an emotional explosion, low key. not to mention, it'll make you bitter.
2). you've had too many painful endings before, and you're trying to avoid another one.
r.d. laing once said, "there is a great deal of pain in life and perhaps the only pain that can be avoided is the pain that comes from trying to avoid pain." think about that. how many times have you personally allowed something to slide that you otherwise wouldn't have because you didn't want to go through the same hurt you experienced last time? some of our best lessons in life sometimes come from painful experiences; rather than avoid pain, it's more beneficial for us to tackle it head on. stop devaluing the situation you're in to make it seem like less of a big deal and start recognizing the value and lessons within these experiences. trust me, it works out so much better in the end when you approach it that way. but the thing is, you can't keep putting yourself in the same situations that have caused you specific types of painful endings, which brings me to my next point...
1). you aren't learning from the lesson, so it keeps repeating itself.
if you fail a grade in school, you have to repeat that grade. i don't know of any schools that'll allow you to transition into high school when you've failed the 8th grade. the same is true in life. think of "failing" in life in the same way that you'd think of failing a grade. you won't be able to move on to a new area of your life until you've successfully mastered the place you're currently at. if you can't recognize patterns you have that cause you to keep dealing with cheating boyfriends or promiscuous women, you'll either a) stay with them longer than you were intended to or b) continue having that same issue with different people. and you can't fake the funk with this. sure, you can tweet about it and post on facebook to make "the people" think you've been enlightened, but the proof will be in the pudding when the issue resurfaces in your life and shows that you never really learned the lesson. cut the fat; take responsibility and explore the situation and it's origins so that you can pull that thing up from the roots.