8 life lessons black fathers and sons can learn from 'uncorked'
there’s much to be said about the complex relationship between black fathers and sons. since many of us — fathers and sons — have found it incredibly difficult to articulate the vast intricacies of these relationships, they remain something that is more often (mis)understood than they are explained.
but every now and then if we’re lucky, we come across a piece of creative work that speaks to this experience. it disrupts our regularly scheduled programming, inviting us instead to grapple with buried thoughts and forsaken aspirations with the hope that we may be moved to take some sort of action.
“uncorked” is one of those creative pieces.
if you haven’t already heard, “uncorked” is one of netflix’s new original films. it was written and directed by prentice penny and focuses on a young man who is torn between following his dream and actualizing his father’s dream for him.
note: if you think you may want to check it out, be warned that there are some spoilers after this point.
while the movie is definitely laced with many different themes — like the lack of diversity and representation in the sommelier classes, jealousy between siblings and the personification of food in the black family — the complex relationship between black fathers and their sons resonated with me the most.
here are 8 scenes i feel possess life lessons black fathers and sons alike can learn from this intimate, celebratory film.
8). Fathers, listen to what your sons are saying and what they’re not saying. Sons, say what you mean and mean what you say.
scene: the woodyard
louis tells his son, elijah, that he wants him to join him for a meeting with a meat distributor. elijah hesitantly responds, letting his dad know he won’t be able to do that because he has a “wine club thing” to attend. after that, the conversation went something like this:
louis: “how come every time i try to teach you the business, you got an excuse as to why you can’t do it? last month, i needed you to go with me to see about an ew smoker and you had some other wine thing.”
elijah: *silence*
louis: “you know how hard your grandfather worked to keep this restaurant in the family?”
elijah: “yes, sir.”
louis: “do you know what this place means to the community?”
elijah: “yes, sir.”
louis: “you gon’ take over the stand one day, you need to know how to run it.”
elijah: “that’s not it, i just can’t do it tomorrow. i’m sorry.”
louis: ”next time son, you’re coming.”
listening to this exchange, two things were clear to me. the first was that louis delivered a lecture to his son instead of having a conversation with him. the second was that elijah — maybe because of an underlying fear of his father — didn’t advocate for himself. i mean, this was a moment he could have used to explain to his dad the goals he had for himself and what that meant for the future of the business, rather than letting his dad create a false narrative.
7). Fathers, use your words to build your sons up rather than break them down. Sons, take initiative and be responsible for your own life.
scene: family dinner
louis asks elijah why he didn’t pick up more butcher paper like he was supposed to the day before.
elijah: “sorry, i had to do something.”
louis: “something more important than your job?”
elijah: “i went to a mixer to learn about becoming a sommelier.”
elijah knew about the sommelier mixer before this moment at the dinner table. once he realized the sommelier mixer was going to conflict with him carrying out his regular job duties, he should have planned ahead and communicated that with his dad, who also happens to be his employer. yeah, it probably would have been uncomfortable for him, but it would have spared him the hassle of having to go through this messy moment at the dinner table.
instead, here is elijah… elaborating at the dinner table about how he’s going to apply to be a sommelier and how he even had someone (Raylan) to write him a letter of recommendation. the conversation went something like:
louis: “i just hope if raylan puts himself out there like that, you follow through.”
elijah: “what does that mean?”
louis: “You’ll get an idea about something but when it comes time to do it.. I’m just saying what everybody knows to be true. but hey, if you want to tell people what to drink with their chitterlings, i’m fine with that.”
come on man.
not only did louis embarrass his son in front of the rest of their family at dinner, he also reduced his dream down to a dependent variable, making it only realistic if it existed within the confines of the dream he already had in place for his son — not cool.
and don’t get me wrong, i don’t think louis was being malicious towards his son maliciously. there’s something to be said about black young men and our tendency to be all over the place at times. i think louis’s primary concern was legit. his son hadn’t really found his way because he always had a lot of things going on at once, most of which he never completed. but instead of shaming elijah for that, i think louis should have sat down with him to help him figure it all out because at the end of the day, that makes all the difference.
6). Fathers, celebrate the accomplishments of your sons and take time to learn more about their interests. Sons, don’t wait until you’re backed into a corner to speak your truth.
scene: the new location
when elijah met his dad at the place that would eventually become a second location for their restaurant, it was obvious elijah wasn’t aware they were considering expansion (which is a separate communication issue, considering his dad wanted to eventually leave the business to him). i could imagine how awkward this encounter had to have been for elijah when he had to essentially burst his father’s bubble and come clean about not wanting to take on the family business.
aside from louis completely glossing over the fact that his son passed the entrance exam and was starting school in a few days, i also peeped that when elijah mentioned the sommelier exam, his father still didn’t have an idea of what a sommelier was. this showed me two things. one, there had not been a conversation between the two of them regarding elijah’s plans for himself and two, louis had not taken the time to go and read up on what his son had already articulated was important to him.
and it’s like — i get both sides. it can be incredibly difficult to get a word in when your father is talking at you and not to you. it can be incredibly difficult to express yourself to your son when you don’t have the language to do so because your own father didn’t have the language to do so with you.
but at the same time, we as black sons can’t allow ourselves to be backed into a corner before we put a stake in the ground of our own lives. we can’t punish our sons for not living up to expectations they never agreed to.
5). Fathers, help your sons create solutions instead of compounding their problems. Sons, be humble enough to ask for help when you need to, but strong enough to walk alone if you have to.
scene: the restaurant
when elijah found out his cohort could only study on wednesdays, he went to check with his dad to see if he could switch shifts, as he should have. meanwhile:
his dad: “why i gotta move my whole life around to accommodate you?”
i thought this was really ironic considering the very thing he’s accusing his son of is exactly what he himself is guilty of.
as i thought more about it, this was the first time i saw elijah as a proactive son rather than a reactive one — a fact that his father overlooked as he actively tried to deter his son from coming up with some sort of solution. elijah’s mom, sylvia, offered to switch shifts with him and louis said no because they had an all-you-can-eat buffet to attend. he went on to verbally attack elijah further by saying things like:
louis: “ i thought you said you wasn’t gonna let this wine thing mess with your work. that’s what you said, right?”
elijah: “ i’ll figure it out.”
this exchange spoke volumes to me because it summed up the “black son experience” so succinctly in just four words, “i’ll figure it out.”
whether our father is in the picture or not, there’s this perturbing pressure that we need to “man up” and “get ourselves together” without any help from anyone else, as though needing help is a sign of weakness, even if it is from your father.
4). Fathers, learn from your sons. Sons, learn from your fathers.
scene: family dinner
so at this point, elijah has been doing the sommelier thing for a while now. he’s at the dinner table explaining to his family how to properly read the labels on a bottle of wine and everyone seems to be engaging, except his dad of course who instead asks for someone to “pass the green beans” when we all know his daughter made those green beans and she can’t cook.
but what resonated with me here was that elijah took the time to relate his passion back to something his dad was passionate about, barbecue. this was a pretty good olive branch because it showed the possibility of them having more in common than either of them realized, ya know?
elijah wouldn’t have even had the language and skillset necessary to draw parallels between wine and barbecue had he not harkened to the teachings of his father up until that point. but pops didn’t see it that way, opting instead to throw more shade about his son’s historical struggles with staying focused on one thing at a time and seeing things through. in this moment, they didn’t yet realize that fathers and sons have just as much to learn from one another as they do to teach one another.
3). Fathers, don’t parent through the lens of your insecurities. Sons, don’t run away when the going gets tough.
scene: the garage
low key, this is probably my favorite scene. it’s the turning point. the highest moment of intense conflict where ish has hit the fan.
louis is in the garage working while elijah’s going away party is going on. elijah enters the garage with a bottle of wine made by a father and son duo in italy.
louis: “you know i don’t drink wine.”
elijah: “i just figured it was a cool connection.”
louis: i’m sure your mama will drink it.”
mind you, louis’s back is to elijah during this exchange.
elijah: “this what our last words gonna be before i leave?”
louis: (scoffs) “it’s not like you’re going to war. you gon’ be in paris, drinking wine, eating croissants and sh*t.”
ok, and here is where things really hit the fan.
elijah: ever since i started school, you been giving me a hard time.”
louis: “because you think you better than us.”
when i heard that, i was just like… man. that’s tough. this was the first time we hear of louis’s real issue with his son. it wasn’t that elijah didn’t want to continue the family business — it was because he believed his son thought he was better than him. suddenly, all of louis’s actions made more sense. you could tell he had been feeling this way for some time because he also said:
louis: “every time i try to teach you the business, you’d rather waster time doing five million other things, none of which led to a damn thing.”
elijah: “yeah, because i don’t want to get stuck in the barbecue stand.”
louis: “you ain’t gotta step another damn foot in that place again.”
elijah didn’t say anything after that and i mean at that point, i don’t know what i would have said either. it was such a weighty exchange between the two as father and son. i wish elijah would have stayed, though instead of walking out. i wish they would have hashed it out right then and there because life’s too short — we don’t always get another chance to make things right.
2). Fathers, learn from your mistakes. Sons, learn from your father’s mistakes.
scene: the new location
when elijah stopped by to see his dad at their new location, a conversation ensues between the two in which elilah asks:
elijah: “do you ever regret it? leaving college to work for the stand…”
louis: “not really. sometimes, i wonder what it would’ve been like to become a teacher. helping papa was just more important that what i wanted to do.”
this is something most of us can attest to as black men — putting the dreams of those closest to us before our own — as though we ourselves aren’t allowed to dream. as though we were only put here to provide for and protect everyone else.
i feel as though louis’s moment of transparency here ultimately helped elijah determine what road he needed to take with his own life.
1). Fathers, spend time with your sons. Sons, spend time with your fathers.
scene: hotel room
yo, when louis showed up at elijah’s hotel room and they ended up playing dominoes while drinking from that bottle of wine — you know, the one that was created by a father and son duo — i was hype. it was incredibly refreshing to see the two of them bonding in a way that mixed new school (sommelier) with old school (dominoes).
all of this to say, i liked the movie. if you haven’t seen it, go watch it. if you have, watch it again.