6 things a brother can do for his sister to make sure she doesn't end up with a goofy
we often don't think of it this way, but our sisters will one day be girlfriends, wives and mothers. and at the end of the day, it’s more difficult for a woman to compromise on being treated like royalty when that’s the environment her brothers have curated for her throughout her life, ya feel me? so take a minute to think about how you treat your sister...and when you see areas you can improve, do just that...improve. regardless of if she's older than you or younger than you, it is our behaviors in the 'now' that determine their expectations later. forreal.
6). open doors for her.
black women are queens and there’s not enough kings that practice one of the most basic principles of chivalry — opening the door. anytime there’s a door around, whether it’s to a car or to a building, your sister’s hand shouldn’t touch it when you’re around. in doing so, you’ve trained her to have the same expectations for the men that she dates and she becomes less willing to compromise because she’s accustomed to a certain level of respect, ya know?
5). compliment her.
for most of us, we don’t always think it’s necessary to compliment our sisters because half the time, they don’t take us serious anyway. but you’d be surprised how far a genuine compliment from you can boost the esteem of your sister. it’s ok to tell her she looks nice or that you’re proud of her accomplishments. if she’s constantly getting those types of compliments from her brothers, she won’t entertain a goofy just because he tells her nice things about herself that she isn’t used to hearing.
4). be present.
our sisters need to know that their brothers care. so, be present whenever you can. support their dreams, give them advice, make jokes about their new hairstyles, yadayadayada… all of that matters, forreal. everyone likes to have a support system; we all want to feel like someone cares about what we’re doing. it’s a basic human desire. if we do our jobs properly, she’ll expect that from whomever she decides to date, with little to no room for his excuses.
3). hold her accountable.
sometimes, being accountable means we’ve got to be the bad guy. if your sister is out here being a goof troop over some guy, dressing inappropriately or doing anything else that would constitute her being called a goofy, you need to let her know. ask her about her dreams and her plans, too. check in with her from time to time to make sure the vision is still there and the plan to get there is still being executed. if she gets off course, step in and redirect her. don’t sit there watching her contribute to her own demise, that’s no good. whenever applicable, you gotta learn to be open and honest with her, even when she didn’t request your advice.
2). buy her nice things.
it’s ok to spend a couple coins on your sister to make sure she’s not out here looking basic. the key is to do it in moderation, though. if your sister is used to being spoiled by her brothers, she won’t be easily impressed by some goofy who flashes money in her face because he cracks cards.
1). know the guy she’s involved with.
this is a big one. you should never be in a predicament where your sister is dating someone that you haven’t met at least one time. facetime does not count. he needs to know that she has brothers who are involved in her life and are invested in their sister’s happiness. meeting him for yourself gives you the opportunity to size him up and see through any crap he may be trying to pull. plus, it gives you the chance to shake his hand, look him in the eye and remember his face, just in case he needs to catch hands later in life...real talk.