"we don't talk, we text": 12 reasons your dating life sucks
these days, the concept of dating has become so foreign, especially amongst millennials. texting has replaced verbal interaction and facetime has become acceptable in place of actually meeting up in person. although not everyone has adopted these habits, they have still become quite popular in the dating realm nevertheless. traditionally, a guy would court a girl, meaning he'd take her out on dates, bring her flowers and intrigue her with thought provoking conversation as they got to know one another better. after some time, they'd mutually agree to take things to the next level and become exclusive as boyfriend and girlfriend. once they've gotten to know one another a little better through dating, they'd then get engaged and then married (hopefully) as they lived happily ever after. today......not so much. people don't court like they once did. courting has been replaced with "talking" which basically means we text and have sex. no titles, annual commitments and you get free nights and weekends. who wouldn't want a sweet deal like that? but when the clouds clear and the lust has faded, what will you have left? don't you fool yourself into thinking that your 20's are a time to be silly and make mistakes when you actually do know better. when you refuse to do better and you actually know the way to go, you're regressing. so as it pertains to dating, you can't continue to make decisions that cause you to regress and wonder why your love life won't progress, ya know? check out these reasons why your dating life may not be as "on beam" as you'd like.
12). you have yet to figure out your true worth.
this one is kinda the beginning of a domino effect. if you don't know your own worth or value while dating, you can't really determine what's acceptable and not acceptable to you because you don't have a handle on who you are. our sense of self worth is derived from our experiences, support systems and the things that we hold important. if we never get to the root of our personal sense of self worth, we can't really expect to pick out attractive characteristics in someone who'd be suitable for us. hence, you have to already know who you are before you begin establishing who you are in relation to someone else. most of us only know ourselves as people who have to be attached or connected to someone else... that's low key not cool.
11). your communication skills are subpar, to say the least.
in all honesty, it's easier said than done. if the person you're dating does something that makes you angry, sad, or feel some "type-a-way", you need to tell them. not your friends, not your parents...not your ex boo... but the person. sure, sometimes we have to get advice from our circle before we make a decision based off solely off emotion and we later regret things. but at the same time, being nervous about how they will react to how you feel isn't your problem; you're only responsible for how you deliver your feelings/emotions (which should be respectful and tactful), not how they interpret those feelings. communication is based off ongoing dialogue and understanding of where the other person is coming from. don't be that person that keeps everything bottled up and then you explode without warning and cause everyone to legitimately think you're unstable...which you may very well be...but that shouldn't be general knowledge, ya know?
10). you listen to respond rather than listening to understand.
communication is a major key in dating. you've got to know when you've ticked the other person off and similarly, you also have to be able to actually listen when the two of you converse. if you always have an excuse (or explanation) as to why you did something or said something a certain way, chances are you are someone who listens to respond and doesn't listen to understand when dating. your ears and your mouth can't work at the same time, folks. pay attention to what is being said to you...verbally and non verbally.
9). you don't understand the notion, "what you allow is what will continue."
now, this may be something you claim to understand...but in actuality, you don't. the reason i say that is because when you understand something, you comprehend it's logic. and, if you comprehend the logic of something, you are more prone to apply it to your life. if you don't apply things to your life that are actually logical to you, you're literally insane; you are doing the exact same thing over and over and expecting a different result each time. "what you allow is what will continue" means that until you decide within yourself that you are fed up with how you are being treated and/or not being treated while you're dating, courting or whatever, you'll never get to where you truly wish to be in your love life.
8). texting is your primary mode of communication.
for many, this has morphed into the primary mode of communication between people as they are dating, "talking" or what have you. but from experience, i can honestly say that this is a mistake. texting has the capacity to make matters worse. arguments are intensified and messages are more prone to be misunderstood or misinterpreted. in situations like this, it's essentially a lose/lose for all parties involved. unless there's a solid foundation, you really shouldn't use texting as a replacement for actually talking on the phone or physically visiting one another. no matter how many emojis you use, texting is really impersonal for the most part and you can't get too comfortable with that as a primary form of communication; you'll spend a lot of time coasting or "playing it by ear" and then it'll be over....before it ever actually started.
7). your actual input does not match your expected output.
these are the type of people who don't do anything when it comes to dating. they think they are just God's gift to the human race. this is the woman who always wants to date just because she's looking for a free meal and the guy who thinks that he could get any woman he wanted. the level of investment is superficial yet, you're expecting quality results from a subpar investment. you've heard "it takes two to tango", right? well, it also takes two to date. you can't expect the other person to do everything...while you do nothing but coast because eventually you'll be doing just that...coasting......like a ship without a sail, by your lonesome. moral of the story, stop tryna receive maximum output from minimum input when you're dating. it's a partnership, not a dictatorship. most people are going to reciprocate what they receive anyway. if they feel like you aren't worth the struggle, they're gonna have you fade to black quick, fast, and in a hurry.
6). you are attracting the type of person you are and not the type that you want.
you may ask yourself "why do i always attract ______ type of people?" well, that could be because something in you is attracting those type of people. something about your behavior, who you hang with, or how you present yourself could be triggering the type of people you approach and/or are approached by. try not to be so distracted by the type of people that keep crossing paths with that you neglect to examine traits and qualities within yourself that have caused you to attract them in the first place. if you're expecting to attract anybody other than what you want, you may need to reexamine who you actually are because the ugly things you are seeing in potential dates could very well be reflections of your own ugly truths.
5). you aren't over the last person you were involved with.
one of the worst things you can do is involve other people in your own drama. often, we find ourselves jumping into a relationship or situationship with someone new in an attempt to get over someone old. it never truly works out like that though. the old flame is never really outta your system if you find yourself "moving on" quicker than the time you actually needed to do so. when you move on too quickly, you involve people who didn't need to be involved. nobody wants to be harassed by your crazy ex because you're too confused to actually know what it is you want or who you want to be with. it's low key irresponsible, too.
4). you date entirely too much.
most of us know people who fall into this category. these are the people who are almost always in a relationship. it's a revolving dating door when it comes to them; one day they are with this person all over social media professing their love and the next day they are doing throwback thursday uploads with their new love interest. it's all too much and it's just like... do you even know who you are? because everyone around you seems to only know you in relation to someone else. no bueno.
3). you gotta put everything on social media.
lemme tell ya something, every aspect of your life does not have to be broadcasted all over social media, especially your dating life. some of ya’ll be so thirsty out here to be seen and it's just like...for what? you put "checked in" at the location of the date on Facebook, but then also took a picture of something associated with the date to put on twitter and snapchat and then you had to top it all off with a "discrete" tweet that only has emojis. here's a tip: don't be so thirsty to be seen because while you're so concerned with what everyone else sees, you're not seeing that the person you're involved with no longer wishes to be involved with you. yikes. #saltysaturdays #mancrushmondays #womencrushwednesdays
2). you play too many games.
let's be perfectly clear here. nobody wants to be with someone who acts as though their "relationship" is a scene from the movie, 'two can play that game.' you shouldn't approach dating as a means of trying to 'one up' the other person; responding to texts and calls late (on purpose), and pretending to be mad at things that ultimately didn't truly upset you means that you are in fact, a goofy; and the only person looking to be involved with a goofy...is another goofy.
you're taking advice from friends who are sinking just as badly as you are.
1). your expectations are entirely too high.
don't get it twisted folks, there is a difference between knowing what you deserve and having exceedingly high expectations. first off, there is no such thing as the perfect guy and the perfect woman does not exist. perfection is an ideal constructed by society; to me, it's unrealistic and evokes flawed perceptions of perfection in general. however, just because someone is not perfect does not mean they aren't perfect for you, ya know? don't be so caught up in looking for the perfect person that you miss the perfect moment. it just prolongs the process of you being single and increases the likelihood that you'll be alone for quite some time.