settling down vs. settling for less: 5 reasons you shouldn't let your family & friends pressure you into a relationship

settling down vs. settling for less: 5 reasons you shouldn't let your family & friends pressure you into a relationship

as of lately, my social media platforms have been flooded with engagements, weddings, baby showers and new home owners. these occurrences bring a smile to my face to be able to see those around me encountering new life experiences. however, i must admit...sometimes it can be a little daunting. as a result, i have to govern how much time i spend on social media because sometimes, i find myself comparing my life's track to the ones i see depicted on the computer screen; that's counterproductive to my overall success in life. the bottom line is, you can't go through life comparing yours to everyone else's, it puts your attention toward things that aren't important and you ultimately miss out on some of your own best moments. although i've managed to keep this realization in the front of my mind, i can't say the same for all of my family and friends who continuously inquire about my dating life. whether i'm at a family event, school, church or work...there's no escaping those in my circle who wanna know the scoop. and i get it..most of those that are inquiring are genuinely invested in my happiness. sometimes, it can just be a little much, but it's nothing that can't be brushed off with a head nod and a smile. needless to say, you shouldn't allow your family and friends pressure you into a relationship because:


5). comparison is the thief of joy. 


more often than not, our family and friends are giving us advice that stems from what they've noticed other people are doing. for instance, your grandmother's rationale for asking why you aren't in a relationship may be fueled by the fact that her other grandchildren are married and you're the only one who isn't. similarly, your parents may ask inquire about why you aren't in a relationship (or having kids) because that's what they did when they were your age. in either case, there is some sort of comparison being made that our family and friends use as their rationale for motivating us to "make that move." however, comparison is the thief of joy--- meaning the more you continue to compare yourself (or allow others to compare you) you are devaluing your own experiences by preferring that of someone else's over your own. everyone's path is different; not two journeys are identical. a good example that simplifies this concept is math. 2+2=4. 10-6=4. 1+3=4. so basically, there's more than one way to get to four, so don't beat yourself up because your way isn't identical to how someone else did it. in the grand scheme of things, it's better to just enjoy your own ride minus the unhappiness associated with feeling like you're behind.


4). focusing too much on what others want for you makes you neglect what you need for yourself.


sometimes, it's easy to give in to what our family and friends are saying because it appears logical. but, just because something appears logical (to them), doesn't mean that it is right (for you). we have to stop letting the pressures of our circles force us into life experiences we aren't ready to endure or capable of appreciating at that moment. in doing so, we begin to live our lives for the satisfaction/approval of others and that prevents us from living our best life.  

3). being surrounded by the wrong people is more lonely than living alone.


whether they are pressuring you on purpose or unknowingly, your friends and family can ultimately do more harm than good if you don't use discernment when taking their advice. at the end of the day, they aren't the ones that will be in the relationship. if you aren't careful, you could end up with someone that everyone loves, but you can't stand. there's a big difference between being alone and being lonely; you can end up being lonely in your marriage because you didn't want to be alone by yourself in front of your family and friends. that's not a good combination. 

2). being single at the moment doesn't mean you'll be single forever. 


regardless of how your friends and family may make it seem--being single now does not mean you'll be single forever. i do believe that we are all God's children, meaning he loves us all the same. why would he want some of us to be happy with someone he ordained and not all of us? doesn't make sense, right? what helps me is that i'm still being worked on and conditioned so when i actually do meet my wife.. i won't be perfect... but i'll be ready. being ready is huge. there isn't a law indicating that you'll be sent away into the land of singleness if you aren't married by a certain age; true love has no expiration date...remember that. it'll happen for you..when it's supposed to happen for you. 


1). the people giving you advice are probably not in a position to do so. 


basically, you gotta watch who you allow to flood your eyes and ears. this is important for a couple reasons. for starters, everyone that says they are for you...aren't really invested in your happiness. they want to see you doing good as long as you aren't doing better than them, ya know? you have to really decipher who's got your best interest at heart and what's their intent behind the advice they are giving you. you don't wanna fall victim to advice from family and friends who are trying to live vicariously through you because of things that didn't go their way in their own lives... that doesn't help anyone. 

 

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