6 tips for getting out of an unequally yoked relationship

our realities are largely shaped by the people we forge relationships with – our parents, our significant others, people in leadership, and our friends. and as we go through life, developing and manifesting along the way, it becomes increasingly important than we prune out the people that aren’t contributing to our growth. you see, the ultimate aim for our life should be to achieve positive transformation, which can only be accomplished by the constant renewal of our minds. when we make the decision to hold on to people that you know you should’ve let go, you rob yourself of the opportunity to become the best possible version of yourself. need help with letting go? check out some of these tips. 

6). establish counsel that will support you and hold you accountable. 

your life is the sum of the choices you make and the company you keep. if your friends aren’t helping to grow you, they are silently killing you because anything that’s not growing is inherently dead. this is why you can’t talk to everyone about everything – because some people will unknowingly keep you bound by normalizing your bogus behavior. you don’t need that. making the decision to stop going to people for advice when you know they’re just going to enable you and going to those who will empower you to make more sound decisions is the first step. you need people in your corner who have your best interest at heart and are committed to seeing you through. they will walk the path of restoration with you, rather than having you walk it alone. they’ll hold you accountable, pour into you with wisdom, and celebrate the small victories with you along the way. and sometimes, that’s really all we need to free ourselves. 

5). take off the rose-colored glasses. 

if there’s any chance of you getting out of that toxic relationship, you’re going to have to first get real about your current situation. denial ain’t just a river in egypt, folks. and the refusal to see things as they are has kept people in toxic relationships much longer than they needed to be. one of the main reasons for that is because when you really, really, really want it to work out with someone, you tend to see them more as the person they have the potential to be and less as the person they currently are (i.e. you’re wearing the rose-colored glasses). and while that’s very sweet and all, the problem with that is it makes it much harder for you to move around when you need to because the mere thought of what they could be is enough to make you stay and look past what they are. it’s time to end that cycle. gone are the days of giving people the benefit of the doubt. if you are having doubts about a relationship with someone based off their actions or your perception of their character, let them know. if their behavior doesn’t change. you need to take the necessary steps to free yourself from them. stop giving people blind trust when they can’t even see the value of what you bring to the table. it’s counterproductive and takes too much time and energy away from you fulfilling your purpose and being a light in the lives of others. period. and if you’re in a situation where you know you should’ve have already removed yourself from, no need to beat yourself up about it. just make a declaration to do better, today. it’s not too late. 

4). pick up a hobby, or two. 

hobbies really need to be the new instagram. stop spending your time scrolling through people’s romanticized versions of their lives. people post what they want you to see. and this world of likes, comments, shares and reposts has literally kept people bound in relationships and friendships for the sake of keeping up appearances. it’s really just gotten all out of control. and there’s so many more productive things you can be doing with your life. picking up a hobby or two will be good for helping you to do something else with your time rather than communicating with the people you know you shouldn’t be dealing with anymore. plus, it’s a great way to meet new people while getting some much needed “you” time – that’s hella important. why? because an idle mind is the devil’s playground. and if you’ve found it easy to keep going in cycles with someone in an unequally yoked relationship, it’s because you have too much idle time and aren’t operating at the highest possible version of yourself. and if you’re ok with that, that’s your business. but i’d advise you to love yourself more and learn to separate how you feel from what is real. because the fact of the matter is, you really need to be more intentional about how you spend your time, which brings me to my next point…

3). don’t drag it out. 

time is of the essence, and you don’t have time to waste. what are you dragging this thing out for? stop hiding behind excuses like “i’m waiting on the right time”, “i’m almost there” and “i just need the Lord to give me the strength.” you ain’t waiting on the Lord, bruh. at this point all you’re doing is enabling yourself to stay in a situation in which you’ve grown complacent with piss-poorism (that’s not a word but it is today). but I need you to understand this: there isn’t an ideal time to cut ties with someone. there is no switch that all of a sudden makes you comfortable with moving on. growth is an uncomfortable process and people don’t like to be let go, especially if they’ve benefited significantly from having you in their life. but you have to do what’s best for you. weigh those pros and cons, seek revelation through prayer, and make the necessary change quick, fast and in a hurry because the weight isn’t worth the wait. 

2). remember who you are.

i won’t belabor this one for too long. all i have to say is it’s easy to stay in a relationship when you aren’t secure in who you are. you were fearfully and wonderfully made. the favor of God rests upon your shoulders. you are more than enough. you were specifically and intentionally born with something in you that the world needs and only you can give it. you are royalty. you is smart. you is kind. you is important. and it’s about time you embrace that and act accordingly. because when you know who you are, you aren’t even comfortable entertaining people who operate at a level of excellence less than what you’re accustomed to. so long story, quick — you better act like you know who you are.

1). stay consistent with your decision. 

you didn’t come this far to only come this far. there’s so much more life left for you to live without the unnecessary baggage of an unequally yoked relationship. as hard as it may be, you have to stick with the decision. don’t look back. keep your eye on the prize ahead of you. and if you’re having a hard time sticking with your decision, remember to take it one day at a time. don’t worry about tomorrow. don’t trip on what’s going to happen next week. focus on getting through the day. and if you feel yourself slipping, call your accountability partners or go do one of those hobbies you picked up. the small step forward is still nevertheless a step in the right direction. trust me, that boyfriend/girlfriend/best friend/brother/sister/cousin is not worth the hassle. you owe it to yourself not to turn back.