7 signs that your friends are secretly jealous of you
a true friend is the family we get to choose for ourselves. it’s a title that should not be tossed around lightly because quite frankly, everyone isn’t deserving. i’ve made a lot of friends and lost a lot of friends. one thing i’ve learned is that there’s nothing “cute” about real friendship. real friendship is messy, (not messy like urban dictionary). it’s hard. all parties involved have got to work at it. but what i love about authentic friendship is that when one friend wins, you all win. when one friend loses, ya’ll all lose. but from what i’m seeing these days, there’s too many fake people spreading fake love in fake friendships, real talk (see what I did there?) whether you realize it or not, your friendship won’t be able to win if all those involved aren’t right within (lauryn hill taught us that). and if you find that your friends exude any of the characteristics on the following list, you might wanna take a step back because they may be jealous naysayers plotting on your downfall.
7). they don’t support you.
support can be shown in a variety of ways. if you’re a musician, maybe support for you means your friends buy tickets to your gigs or buy your latest album. if you’re a painter, maybe support for you means your friends attend art galleries you’re featured in and buy portraits you’ve created. if you’re a fashion designer, you may expect your friends to show their support by purchasing items of clothing you’ve made. on the other hand, support doesn’t always have to involve an exchange of money (contrary to popular belief). maybe you just graduated from college; so support for you would include your friends being at your graduation. or maybe you finally got out of that toxic relationship you were in, so support for you would be in the form of a text message or encouraging phone call from your friends motivating you not to go back to your ex. whatever the case, it’s incumbent upon you to understand who supports you and who doesn’t. some people just like the thought of being your friend; they’re merely content with whatever comes with being associated with you when in reality, they aren’t really for you.
6). they have a problem for every solution.
if you’re like most people, your friends know a side of you that the general public typically doesn’t get to see. this is why it’s extremely important that you refrain from having squares in your circle. if you tell your friends an idea about something positive you want to do, and all they can do is tell you why it wouldn’t work and reasons you shouldn’t do it, you may need to take a step back and reevaluate their motives. people will literally try to convince you that you can’t do something just because they themselves wanted to, but couldn’t. maybe they didn’t have the finances, lacked determination and drive or they felt like they weren’t smart enough. that’s not your problem though. nobody wants to be around someone who is ridiculously combative, argumentative and always has something negative to say. that’s hella toxic. and with people like this you’ve really gotta be careful because they’ll disguise their motives to demotivate you from moving forward by doing things like playing “devil’s advocate” when the truth is they want you to be successful; just not more successful than them.
5). they use jokes as a way of telling you how they really feel.
a joke is defined as something said by someone that causes amusement or laughter. but the gag is, there’s nothing funny about having friends who use jokes as their primary way of communicating to you how they feel, especially when they’re throwing low key shade. if your friends are always saying stuff to or about you like, “don’t nobody care that you got a new car”, “ever since you got that raise, you think you better than everybody”, that’s a sign that they might be hating on you. and in an attempt to dilute the hateration, these type of people will laugh it off or add “lol” when they were actually serious about what they said. you gotta watch out for these type of people because from the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
4). they put “lil” before everything.
if it’s one thing jealous friends love, it’s trying to belittle your accomplishments. they’ll say things like “i see you with your lil new car”, “you think you all that with your lil new hair in” or “don’t nobody care you went to school and got a lil diploma.” i don't care how many laughs they get, don’t be fooled into thinking they’re saying that to be funny; they could be saying it to mask their insecurities regarding the fact that you’re out here winning and they’re not. and instead of leveling up to where you're at, they're trying to bring you down to where they're at.
3). they make everything a competition.
i think it’s good for all friendships to have some level of healthy competition to ensure everyone is leveling up. so I want to be clear that I’m not talking about that type of competition among friends. i’m referring to the friends that literally feel the need to try and one up everything you do to make it about them. you get a new car, and they deliberately go get a new truck. you get a new job, and they quit their job. you get in a relationship, and they deliberately go out and get engaged. some of these scenarios may seem a bit extreme, but you wouldn’t believe the lengths people would go to in order to keep themselves as the focal point.
2). they aren't honest with you.
one of the biggest benefits to having trustworthy friends around you is accountability. real friends (who legitimately have your best interest at heart) are not afraid to let you know when you're tweaking. likewise, they aren't slow to give you the unfiltered truth...even if you don't want to hear it. a lot of people don't realize that growth comes from the stretching that takes place once we go beyond our comfort zones. sometimes, the truth is uncomfortable --- that's why people call it the 'ugly' truth. but if you allow yourself to be uncomfortable and you open yourself up to correction, you'll ultimately come out better than you were when you went in. if you have friends around you that haven't called you out on all the crap you pull, yet they have side conversations about you with the other people in your crew, those aren't your friends. and while it may not neccesarily mean that they're jealous of you, it does mean that they aren't concerned with seeing you grow and do better. you might need to take a moment to really think about why your friends don't think enough of you to tell you the truth.
1). they engage people who throw shade on you behind your back.
understand this – jealous people need a crowd. in all ways and under all circumstances, they’ve gotta have an audience that feels that same way as them in order for their jealousy to be validated and masked as something else. these type of friends thrive off people talking about you because it makes them feel better about themselves. you ever had a friend come to you and tell you everything someone said about you behind your back...and when you ask them what they said in response to that, they don’t have an answer for you? tuh. that’s a sign right there that you need to take an honest inventory of the friends reporting back to you. what are their motives? do they have a history of having your best interest at heart or nah? the seasoned saints used to say, “a dog that will bring a bone will also take one”, and that saying still proves true today. stay woke.